


Halcyon

by AChiaro



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Love, Short One Shot, Stream of Consciousness, ambiguous ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 05:46:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20326093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AChiaro/pseuds/AChiaro
Summary: Breakfast in bed.





	Halcyon

**Author's Note:**

> Love. This is about love.

The thing is that there is nothing more for me to do, darling. This is what life looks like now, dear. Sure we burned so bright, baby, but isn’t the soft glow we’ve simmered down to enough nowadays. Aren’t you tired of walking a tightrope, always second-guessing, making all that effort, performing? Can’t we walk together for a while on the sun-warmed sidewalk, holding hands?  
Darling now that we’re through the fighting and the pain, let’s indulge in kindness for a while. Let’s be kind to ourselves. Live softly for a while before going back outside.

I think you want this, too.

Baby you’re sleeping beside me and your nose is a little scrunched up and your hand is gripping the bed sheet so loosely. Everything about you is soft now. I adore you. I’ll stand up any minute now, and maybe I’ll make us some coffee, that fancy imported roast you like. I’ll sprinkle some cocoa powder on the foam on top and put little cookies to the side just to see you smile. I’m thinking about omelet. I’m thinking about putting on some jazz on the little kitchen radio and seeing whether you’ll laugh at me for being so cheesy. God, you make me so gooey inside. I want to kiss your cheek, the top of your head, the tip of your nose, you are perfect and so very dear. I wonder what you’re dreaming about. I hope it’s me. I hope it’s a good dream. I can see you smiling a little and it makes my heart race. I want you to have good dreams of happy memories and beautiful moments. 

I think you’ve forgotten to live without the thrill of despair.

I’ve decided to cut up some apple slices with the omelet. I’ll arrange them as they do at buffets sometimes, decoratively. I can shape the pieces to look like a swan. I’ve seen a picture yesterday and it looked sweet. You like sweet things, honey. I stand up and you huddle deeper into the blankets like it’s colder without me. Enjoy your sleep, I’ll be right back. Remember the first time you stayed over? You were so shy, you were nervous and so was I and we were both so determined to get everything right. And then you spilled red, red wine all over both of us and you were blushing and I started grinning and you were wearing white but I said: “You look good in red,” anyway and we both broke down laughing. We were both lonelier people then, I think, sad and prickly and dissatisfied with everything. I was lonely and then I wasn’t and I got lost in your eyes, the empty expanse didn’t feel as barren anymore. I know that at that moment I hoped you’d stay forever. I would never want to go back to being a joyless person.

I think your hugs have been getting lighter, your kisses softer, like you realized I’m breakable.

We had such exciting times recently, dear. I'm glad things calmed down a little. I’m making the coffee - I hope you’ll like it. I know I have been a little more careful since we’ve gotten together. I wouldn’t want to worry you, love, and I’m no longer so desperate for adrenaline, for the rush of feeling anything at all since our love makes my heart swell and burst like this. Sometimes it feels like I’m feeling too much just looking at you. I couldn’t imagine anyone feeling what I’m feeling for me but there is a spark in your eyes sometimes and a quirk to your smile when you think I don’t notice you looking at me and maybe you love me after all.  
I pick a flower from the bouquet you got me three days ago, roses in all the colors of the rainbow, and put it in a little glass with water. Chop, chop, chop goes the knife and the apple swan comes out a little lopsided but not too bad for a first try. I add a little bowl of those chocolates you brought home, the expensive ones with almonds in them. I told you I liked them on our second date and you remembered, darling. Breakfast in bed, honey, a whole tablet of your favorite things. I want to pick a pink blossom but white looks better with the coffee and that one’s a little droopy anyway. I pluck out a browning petal. The radio plays a song I don’t recognize but it’s light and airy and perfect. 

I think lately your eyes have been drifting to the cupboard, to the doors.

“Breakfast’s ready” I sing out, balancing the tablet of goodies on one hand, and the coffee doesn’t spill over even a little bit. You yawn and your hair is a mess and you blink confusedly into the sun. My heart feels so full I can’t understand how I continue to live. I love you. I love you. I am drunk with it. It feels so lovely to love someone, like a sweet sugary poison that goes straight to your head. Like warm tea and cocoa warm in your mug, just waiting to be drunken. There’s an element of anticipation to it, the sensation of getting to fall over and over for every little thing you do or say. I can’t wait to fall in love with the mess you’ll make of me one day. Whether you’ll laugh or you’ll cry or do both, dear.   
“Good morning, love,” I say because I can and you see the food and smile a little, indulgently. I know I’m ridiculous but I think you love that like you surely love me.   
“You’re such a dork,” you say, laughing, and that’s okay, I can handle being a dork as long as it keeps that smile on your face and that spark in your eyes. 

I think you’ve been standing in the doorway, watching me sleep, thinking hard.

We sit in bed past two in the afternoon, feeding each other bits of omelet and apple, stealing quick kisses and singing along to the music. You have work in the evening but the sun is shining yet, let me spoil you a little, honey. This is what heaven feels like, the closest thing we’ll feel to salvation. You’re so warm under my hands, kissing my lips. I want to carve out a hole in my chest and put you there and always feel so warm. I could keep you warm this way, too. I laugh and give you soft light kisses instead until you push me away and climb in my lap to kiss me for real. 

I think I won’t mind the way this is going to end.

**Author's Note:**

> psst spot the murder references though


End file.
